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What if there were others of Yoda's race, who talked the same way?
Imagine the yoda-men in the office, around the water
cooler.
Yoda 1: Hello, Bill.
Yoda 2: Morning, Hank.
Yoda 1: Finish that proposal, you did?
Yoda 2: Yes, finally.
Quite a chore, it was.
Yoda 1: That Henderson, he is a slave driver, eh?
Yoda 2: Yes. To kick his butt I'd
like. "There is no try, only do."
a jerk, he is.
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What expect you from someone 900 years old? English
perfect???
Size matters not...hey, what are you laughing at?
Lift THAT ship?! You must be out of your mind
I cannot teach him. IQ of 30 has he. Hangs upside down in ice caves.
Duct Tape...the Force it is like. Both
a light side and a dark side it has. Binds the universe together it does!
Remember all that stuff Obi-Wan taught you?
Forget it.
Yeah, well oneness with the universe doesn't put food on the plate, junior.
No...there is another.
Let's hope as stupid, she is not.
Never underestimate the powers of the dark side. Or is that Regis Philbin?
I
cannot teach him. Land an X-wing, he cannot even.
Never underestimate the power of the dark side... or duct tape.
Yeah yeah. Force this!
Anger, fear, merchandising...the Dark Side are they!
I didn't want this job!
I wanted Marlon Brando's role in 'Apocalypse Now!'
No Force? Take this, impudent nonbeliever! MUHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
So
how did you like the funhouse in the cave, Luke?
Quite frankly, Mr. Skywalker, if Obi-Wan wasn't dead, I'd have him
expelled.
Oh, yes, well if you're going could you take this robe to the cleaners for me? I've been wearing it for
over 800 years on this stinkhole and it doesn't... Oh, judge me on my smell, will you?
Well it may be spooky, but
it saves cost on burial plots and it beats cremation.
Luke, don't ask what the Force can do for you.. But what you
can do for the Force.
Imperial Rhapsody by: Queen
(sung to: Bohemian Rhapsody)
LANDO: This is the good life
This is a fantasy
Working on Bespin
An escape from Reality.
LEIA: Open your eyes
Stand up to these guys and see.
LUKE: I'm just a farmboy, I need some sympathy
Cuz who's my dad, I dunno
Little whine, little moan.
HAN: Anywhere the Force goes, doesn't really matter, to me
PIETT: Vader just killed a man.
Raised an arm up in the air
Now his life is no longer there.
Vader, we had just begun,
And now I've gone and lost the reb-el scum.
Vader, ooooooo.
Didn't mean to make you mad
If I'm not alive again this time tomorrow,
There'll be a new admiral, as if nothing ever happened.
YODA: Too late, my time has come,
Sends shivers down my spine
Body's aching all the time.
LUKE: Goodbye everybody, I've got to go
Gotta leave you all behind and learn the Force.
PIETT: Vader, ooooooooo.
I don't want to die
I sometimes wish I'd never been born at all.
LUKE: I see a little silhouetto of a man
Palpatine, Palpatine, can it be the Emperor?
Thunderbolts and lightning, very very hurting me!
R2-D2, R2-D2,
R2-D2, R2-D2,
R2-D2, Where'd ya go? C-3PO O O O O O OH!
I'm just a farmboy, nobody loves me.
REBELS: He's just a farmboy, with a dead family.
Spare him this life of such mendacity!
HAN: Spice'll come, spice'll go. Jabba let me go.
JABBA: Bo shuda! (NO, we will not let you go)
HAN: Let me go!
JABBA: Bo shuda! (We will not let you go)
HAN: Let me go!
JABBA: Bo shuda! (We will not let you go)
HAN: LET ME GO!
JABBA: WILL NOT LET YOU GO!
HAN: LET ME GO!
JABBA: WILL NOT LET YOU GO!
HAN: LET ME GO!
JABBA: NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO!
C3PO: Oh R2-D2, R2-D2, R2-D2, Come along.
LEIA: C-3PO has a rebel put aside for meeeee, for meeeeee,
for MEEEEEEEEEEEEE!
(Stormtroopers start headbanging)
LUKE: So you say you're the dear old dad of mine?
But you cut my hand off and left me to die!
Oh Vader, can't do this to me, Vader.
I know there's some good, I know there's still some good in you.
OBIWAN: May the Force be with you.
Use the Force to see.
May the Force be with you,
May the Force be with you, alwaaaaaaaaaaaaays.
HAN: Anywhere the Force goes, doesn't really mat-ter,
to meeeeeeee.
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The Top Ten Gripes of Yoda:
1: At malls, during Christmas season, a hired midget acting as Santa's elf
employees mistake me for.
2: Too short am I to drive the go-carts!
3: People at Harkin's and AMC, believe me they do not when I show them my
ID, for too little they say I am to see R-rated films.
4: The $50.00 hair tonic I have, work it does not!
5: Apply to Hooked on Phonics advertisements i do, accept me they will not!
6: Levitate X-Wings I can, but in a mudhole on a remote planet I live.
7: Pay me a pension the Retirement Agency will not!
8: Lost my dentures have I, and find them I cannot.
9: My GPS system and cell phone, use them I would if I knew how.
10: My life insurance, expired it has, so magically turn into a ghost i must.
Y.O.D.A.
Sung
by Yoda upon meeting Luke.
(To the theme of Y.M.C.A.)
YOUNG
MAN, I saw your ship come down.
I said YOUNG MAN, now it's muddy and brown.
I said YOUNG MAN, put your weapon away,
'cause I
*MEAN* *YOU* *NO* *HARM* *I* *SAY*
YOUNG MAN, there's no need to feel fear.
I am WONDERIN',
tell me why are you here?
How you GROWIN', from this food on the plate, I say
*WARS* *DO* *NOT* *MAKE* *ONE*
*GREAT*
You must be here to see Y.O.D.A.
You must be here to see Y.O.D.A.
He's
900 years old!
He's so strong in the Force!
Do your Jedi Diploma course!
You must be here to see Y.O.D.A.
You
must be here to see Y.O.D.A.
Come and get yourself clean!
Come and have a good meal!
Pretty soon
now, the Force you'll feel!
YOUNG MAN, you fell out of the sky, into
SOMETHIN' brown that smells like a sty, and
this
TIN CAN started swimming and then, he got
*SPAT* *OUT* *LIKE* *SOME* *THROAT* *PHLEGM*
YOUNG
MAN, welcome to Dagobah. He is
COMIN', Master Yoda not far. I'll be
HAVIN' this bright thing that ain't hot. It is
*MINE*
*OR* *I'LL* *HELP* *YOU* *NOT*
You must be here to see Y.O.D.A.
You must be here to see
Y.O.D.A.
He's 900 years old!
He's so strong in the Force!
Do your Jedi Diploma course!
You
must be here to see Y.O.D.A.
You must be here to see Y.O.D.A.
Don't just stand in
the rain!
You're all covered with mud!
come and sample my homemade crud!
OLD BEN, are you listenin' to me? I
can't
TEACH HIM, he's so reckless you see! Like his
OLD MAN, he's so angry but brave! Betcha
*HE* *SCREWS*
*UP* *AT* *THE* *CAVE*
YOUNG MAN, if you start will you end, or be
GOING, off to save all your friends? To
be
TRAINING, needs commitment and work, if you
*WIMP* *OUT* *THEN* *YOU'RE* *A* *JERK*
You gotta
stay here with Y.O.D.A.
You gotta stay here with Y.O.D.A.
You should stay here and
train!
You don't have to save Han!
If you do so, you'll lose your hand!
You gotta stay here with Y.O.D.A.
(repeat and fade...)
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